Hello, my name is “———” and Im a “———” Major

"Are you kidding me look"
“Are you kidding me look”

When you’re in college and you’re meeting someone, or just trying to hit up a friendly conversation at some point you will reach the “what is your major” topic.

It could go various ways; From

  • Right off the bat – Hello, my name is “———” and Im a “———” Major
  • (to) The awkward silence filler – Soooo, what is your major?
  • (or) Using it as a “Connection” – I heard you’re a”———“major like me! we must be so similar!

No matter which way the conversation goes it is always awkward for those like me. If you are like me you have changed your major multiple times, or just have no idea what your major should be. You might even feel pulled in multiple directions to majors that seem to have little or no correlation at all -or- feel like you are actually an alien from another planet where you get to change your occupation whenever you desire without any consequences to your bank account.

So what exactly do you do in this situation? Do you tell them the major you have at the moment? Do you say you’re undecided? Do you run like hell or pretend you never heard them ask? Because I have no clue and honestly, no matter what you do it will turn out badly. Well, I am just saying this from my experience! You might be this super smooth person where awkward moments only come once in a decade, and if thats you then this blog will see pretty silly to you. But- if you are like me then; If you tell them the major you have at the moment, then you decide to change it later things get awkward. If you tell them you’re undecided they either try to tell you what they believe you would be good at or they ask you what you’re leaning toward. Where you continue to list off the majors you are considering that probably cover the entire spectrum of possibilities, and things get awkward. Or you ignore them/leave making things really awkward.

No, I am not writing this post to freak you out and convince you to never ask someone’s major. I am just trying to help everyone who isn’t like me understand how hard it can get for those who do not know what their major should be exactly.

In my one year at college (hah that is not that long but it seems like forever) I have noticed that people make majors a major deal (see what I did there hah). Some people that I met used it as a label, “I am a ‘———‘ major, and this is who I am”. Others used it to define how much drive someone has, “Oh you’re undecided/a    ‘———‘ major? What exactly are you planning on doing with that…” -verses-  “Oh! You’re a nursing/business major? Way to go, you will do great things!”. Then there are those who used it to put someone on a scale of how put together their life is / think someone is a charity case and helps them to feel better about themselves, “You’re a ‘———‘ major, oh hun you would be much more successful doing ‘———‘. What were you thinking? Okay we need to lay out a plan for all the classes you need to take and when”.

No joke it makes me want to be like ->

But that would be considered rude…

You might be thinking in this moment that I am joking, or over exaggerating. Sadly, I am not. Every single statement written above I have gotten, or witnessed being said to a friend of mine (because I am definitely not a nursing major).

At this moment I am crossing my fingers that whomever is reading this post is starting to realize just how hard it might be for those who don’t have a major picked out. Or even those who are straying from the pack and picking a nontraditional major!

Let me take this a little bit further; A person is not defined by their major, looks, past, or amount of money their family has. Through this blog I am hoping that what I have written has made it visible that a considerate heart is vital for everyone to have, especially in college. It is the place where people from many different places and backgrounds come to further their knowledge. Everyone is different from the hometowns they come from, to, their sense of humor. Yet despite all these differences everyone deserves respect and love from all of those around them and it completely irks me when I see people being looked down upon just because they are different from someone else. It is 2015 and we are still looking down upon differences instead of embracing them, come on man!

15 of the things I learned on my first solo road trip

1- You do not need anyone to accompany you in order to have an amazing time trying something new; For me it was almost more exciting to be alone on an adventure. I got to go where I wanted and stop when I wanted. It also helped me realize #15

2- I am still not a fan of catcalling (what-so-ever); Yeah yeah some guys catcall as a form of complimenting someone, but how are girls who are from 16-29 supposed to take it as a compliment when all our life our parents have been drilling thoughts such as: “You can’t do that, you’re a girl.”…“No you can’t walk there alone, someone might take you”…”Go change someone might get the wrong idea”, into our heads causing us to feel constantly afraid in certain situations? (like when we are being catcalled) I mean the amount of times I have heard those phrases is ridiculous and now its all I can think of when I get catcalled. 

3- Your thoughts can be destructive; My mood can go from 100 to -36 with one negative thought about myself, where I am going in life, or what someone might thinks of me. Man, I learned on this trip that I do not only need to filter what I allow myself to say, but what I allows myself to think. This is because my thoughts may not effect other people but it can effect me and my mood tremendously.

4- People take life WAY to seriously; Driving down the road stuck in traffic what is more entertaining and rewarding then letting yourself rock out and bob your head to your favorite song? Sitting in silence without a smile on your face apparently, because that is what every car I saw on my 8 hour drive was doing…. UGH this aggravates me, and to be honest makes me fearful. Why is it so hard for people to let loose, be crazy, and let anyone and everyone see the raw version of yourself. So what someone thinks you are too loud, or are annoying. So what if someone gives you a weird look because they don’t get your joke. Just be you!

5- It is so important to make connections with people in college because they will be the ones to drop everything, loose sleep, and open their home for you; I could not be more grateful for the friends I have and the friends I stayed with while in LA. They opened their home and fed me and loved on me, and wow I would not have had that amazing of a trip if I had stayed in a hotel alone. 

6- True friendships are not defined by the amount of times you talk on a weekly basis, but by how easily it is to reconnect once you finally see them again; This is an important one to me. So many people that I have known (and even me myself) has taken it offensively when one of their friends did not talk to them every so often or make that effort. When in reality why does that matter. What matters is the moments when you haven’t talked in months and you get a random text message saying “Hi, how have you been? You’ve been on my mind.”. And what matters most is that you have the ability to pick up right where you left off, no buried anger, no awkwardness, just joy to be talking to them again in that moment. 

7- Hugs oh hugs are my favorite; I will never turn down a hug (unless you are sweaty) because they have the power to speak 100 phrases whether it be saying I love you, I’m SO glad to see you, or I am here to support you. 

8- Sometimes it only takes a few words to comfort the worst of feelings, and sometimes silence is the perfect way to ruin an entire day; Do not disregard the power of words and the lack there of. 

9- The thought of seeing certain people can make your stomach drop to the ground (in a good way) those are the people you need to fight to keep around, because even if you don’t know it they mean a lot to you in some way; That feeling ^ is not something you feel everyday, it is not a feeling you get when you are walking in the front door of your home, or when you see a stranger walking past you. That is the feeling you get when you cannot even express how much you wish you could see that person, that is overwhelming nerves, that is someone you want to be around so you should make that happen. Get over those nerves and hangout with that person that makes your stomach drop. 

10- You find out who is first on your list of people to tell the most random things to; Mine is my mom and dad lol I called my mom about 100 times and when i saw random things I couldn’t help thinking “dad would love this”. And I believe you need to remember that because they mean a lot to you, obviously my choice does lol they raised me but even if it is not your parents make sure you appreciate them.

11- I do have voices in my head; Not the “I’m crazy and need meds kind”, but the type Chris Young talks about in his song Voices. While on my trip I could hear the voices of my friends and family telling me advice such at my dad telling me to “Keep your distance, because you never know when the car behind you will get distracted and hit you”, and my mom telling me “You look amazing in that, and I can tell you love that outfit.” reminding me not to second guess something I feel amazing in. Plus the lovely advice of my friends telling me ” You are you, and who you are is unique. Not everyone will understand, but those who know you, love everything about you. So don’t let those who don’t have the honor of knowing you tear you down.”

12- Some people don’t care about you as much as you thought they did; When I have those moments where I think “I could totally break down right here and be stranded”  it is normally followed by me mentally making a list of people I could call. Well I learned on this trip I shouldn’t be so sure about that list I made (same goes for you if you do this too). Because I definitely learned that the people I thought were on my list actually could not give a damn. While people I thought didn’t care, actually should have been on my list the whole time. And the only reason they weren’t is because I disregarded them thinking that since I would think twice about going to pick them up, they would do the same. That leads me to the next one ->

13- I want to be on EVERYONE’S list; I desire to be the person that would drop everything to drive an hour and a half to pick up my friend stranded at an auto shop only to drive back home, feed them, let them stay the night, and then drive them back when their car was ready. Think about how much that would mean to you if someone did that for you – then think about how amazing you  would feel after you did all that for someone. Yeahhh, I want to be on everyones list. I want to be known as the person who absolutely cares about everyone so much so that they would drop everything in time of need. 

14- Pay attention to the things you think about around the 5th hour of a road trip alone it teaches you a lot about who you are; This one relates a lot to #3 (your thoughts can be destructive) but really long road trips alone can tell you a lot about yourself. For example I thought I was the prime example of a positive person, but man did I go head on with my dark-side on this trip. Everyone has one and it is very likely you will meet it, if you haven’t already.

15- No one can make all the decisions for you. Only you know what will make you happy; Unknowingly everyone is influenced, maybe even just a little, by the people around you. What type of food you might eat around them, of how much you spend, or what types of places you go might change according to the people you are with. Yet when you are alone it is only you and your desires to influence you, and make the hard decisions. This is when one gets to learn about what makes them happy, and their actual desires. 

Not all who wander are lost…

IMG_0425 IMG_1545

Yeah, Yeah. I know. I know. This is such a cliché quote that is entirely overused. You can find it almost anywhere; on bumper stickers, posters, even tattoos. I used to see that quote and think, “that’s nice” or that it was a cool idea, but after reading Noelle Hancock’s post in the Cosmopolitan Lifestyle section my entire view of this quote changed. Noelle Hancock lived in New York with a job that paid $95,000 a year, but based off of her never-ending feeling that she needed a vacation she decided to ditch it all to scoop ice cream in the Caribbean and practically share her apartment with the wildlife living nearby. Most would find this insane but to her she was unhappy and needed a simpler lifestyle .

This story changed my entire view of what this quote meant. It wasn’t just a quote that I thought was nice anymore. It was a quote that resonated with my soul. That might sound silly to you since her post says she often wakes up with wild animals just chill’n in her bathroom, but to me it is a beautiful thing. I’ve always been the one of my friends who wanted to live in many places, and meet new people. I’ve been the one who knew choosing one major and one place to live was not what I envisioned for my life. I saw everyone around me with a passion for their major and an idea about what they wanted to do in life, yet I couldn’t figure out just one major to settle for. Within my first year of college I had changed my major about 5 or 6 times. I had gone in complete circles and practically to the other side of the universe with my major choice. I’ve talked to countless people who have made me fall in love with new majors, helped me envision myself doing some sort of line of work, and helped me (what I was convinced of then) carve in stone my major. Yet, Noelle’s post somehow has given me reassurance to throw all of that advice out the window and to not settle for a job with security, this is because it helped me realize I might be more like Noelle than I am my friends, and I don’t see anything wrong with that.

Its unsettling for me to think that I might someday have only one job or one town I call home, just as it might be unsettling for you to envision a life of moving around and inconsistency of your job title. Many people are different, and I guess this is my 2 cents worth of advice that I hope people take to heart; Not all people are the same. They have different hopes, different dreams, and envision different things for their life. SO before you tell them they are crazy to think it might work out, remember what hopes and dreams you might have had in the past. Remember how happy you felt if you met those dreams. Then hold back whatever negative thoughts you were going to say and replace them with support, because every negative comment you make about the dream they have is another chip away at their hope and drive to make that dream happen. You have no idea how happy they would be if that dream came true, or if it helps, think about how unhappy they might end up being if they actually do throw away their dream to do whatever you might be saying is the best, most “secure” choice for them.

I often imagine our comfort zones as being an invisible marked line only you can see, and that on the other side of the line is everything you have always wanted to try or do. With this in mind, I think about how crazy it is that someone who changes your life might only be met if you work up enough courage to cross that line and expand your comfort zone. This person might be the love of your life or the person who inspires you to change how you view life, but where you meet them might be a town away or thousands of miles away. Though might I be right, you will never know until you take that leap of faith to go into that coffee shop everyone talks about or to take the internship across the country. So much exists where you have never been, and in things you have never experienced. Also, who knows maybe someone is waiting for you to change their life. You could be the one person who inspires someone in a way no one else has been able to do, and what if someone is needing you to save their life with your kind words.

On the note of kindness; I, Karly La Mar, believe it is THE most important trait one can hold. Kindness opens up doors for so many amazing things. It could affect someone day or entire life. Meeting someone with such pure kindness pouring out of their heart is what changed my life and led me back to church again. You or I could do that for some one if we live our lives with pure kindness. Who wouldn’t want the opportunity to inspire?

So, get out there! Travel. Live life. Meet new people. And, Inspire others along the way.

Emotions

Have you ever felt an emotion and thought to yourself, “No you cannot feel this. You are wrong. Stop!”

How do you tell your body and your mind not to feel a certain way, or rewire it to be on the same page as you? What do you do when your body and heart do not know what your brain might.
No – you cannot miss them.
No – you cannot have feelings for them.
No – they are not your friend anymore.
No – do not feel anger towards them.
No- I am over it, sadness is no longer necessary.
I find it jaw dropping how truly separate our thoughts and our emotions can be. As if your subconscious knows something you dont, or something you won’t let it. At times this is helpful. For example when you tell yourself not to be mad at a certain person or remind yourself someone is not worth your time, but in other cases such as sadness or having feelings for another person it might not be. Your body and subconscious is telling you the truth even if you do not want to accept it. Honestly that is a beautiful thing! And I believe I need to stop burying these emotions that could be beneficial to deal with, and just accept them. Process them. Then learn to rid of them in a healthy way if that is still what I want!

Random random thoughts.

Sometimes I question the statement “never judge a book by its cover”

Have you ever spent hours staring at a stranger. Well, not just staring, actually studying a stranger. If you answer yes to that, then you cannot also say that after those hours you studied him/her still had no idea who that person was.. If you haven’t studied a stranger before, then you need to try it.

Study them truly. Watch the way their eyes light up when they see a friend coming to visit them. Look at their cheeks blushing as they laugh. Discover what lies beneath their eyes: Is it a soul full of self-pity and hate? Or is it a soul full of happiness and light? Are their movements soft and smooth like bird in flight? Or do they move like the ocean waves, rigid and destructive? Or are they clumsy like something trying to walk for the first time? Are they quick to smile or frown about the little things? Which of those do they happen to do more? Smiling? Frowning? How do they greet a stranger?

People reveal what is on the inside without even knowing it. Even you do it.Thats why I love to just study people, especially happy people. Because you can learn so much without even a word being said. It is such a beautiful thing that even though people try to be everything society tells them to be their eyes reflect their soul, their facial muscles reveal their thoughts, and their movements reflect themselves and how they feel towards another person. “Masks” only cover so much. I love looking so deeply that the mask one might wear becomes invisible.

Deeply rooted.

“We are like the little branch that quivers during a storm, doubting our strength and forgetting we are the tree — deeply rooted to withstand all life’s upheavals.” >> Dodinsky

What an alluring statement that it. “We are deeply rooted to withstand all life’s upheavals.” When I read that my immediate response is ‘Well yeah we can go through anything with God as our roots’. Think about that. God makes us strong. When we ask him for help, he gives us hope, because hope is one of the most powerful emotions/feeling. Whether that be hope provided by someone around you, or a different way he seems to add it into your life, God always provides.

That quote is overly true. I have not met one single person who at once in their life did not doubt their abilities. We often forget that our dreams are worldly versions of what God can actually do. You may think your dream is out of reach or impossible, but God always has something planned for us much further than we could ever imagine. Its crazy how even at our lowest points God wants to be there to help us stand tall and not get pushed around by this corrupted world. No that does not mean that we wont fall, or fail, or have our dreams crumble before our eyes. His plan for you is great and maybe something completely opposite of what you had imagined, but it will be incredible and much more than you could have envisioned for yourself.

How crazy is it that we let such small things bring us down. Judgements, breakups, failed tests, being fired. They feel like the end of the world even though these are milestones that only affect our lives here on earth. Society teaches us to be upset, and grow attached to things like that, even when God calls us not to. Those types of items are not what changes our purpose; to glorify Him and show people unconditional love, and God gives us the strength to do so by being our roots and using our lives (if we allow him). Insane.

This is for all of those who keep asking me “How are you?”

Have you ever gotten earth shattering news?  Where it literally felt as though your whole body could not stop shaking yet everything around you was as still as a firm statue? And the air you once called your own seemed to be robbed from the lungs who did nothing but love and nurture it?  Where your hands and head suddenly became magnets that were attracted to each other, while your knees fell in love with the feeling of your chest at the same moment your eyes began to mimic a salty waterfall? And silence happened to be escaping everything except for you? Where your mind was invaded by a bunch of barbarians who found it funny to knock down and tear up your organized mind? And your thought process rewinded itself all the way back to when you were a child because you were suddenly convinced if you could not see anything, or you pretended it did not exist, then it actually did not exist?

That is what it felt like when my eyes became glued to an e-mail telling me that I did not receive a position as an alpha leader. That is what it felt like to have all my dreams for next year crumble, and my confidence be chopped down to a stub like an unnecessary tree. That is what it felt like to find out all my friends have what it takes to be all that I want to be, but I do not, and will never have the chance to be that again. That is what it felt like to be turned down for yet another leadership position at APU. That is what it felt like to question if the college I thought was perfect for me, the college I uprooted my life for, the college that was draining my parents bank account, was even for me. That is what it felt like to have all understanding about my life, and who I am be drained from my mind. That is what it felt like to receive earth shattering news.

All I have been dreaming about, since my second or third week of attending APU, is being an Alpha leader. Being the person who helps them adjust to life as a college freshman. The one who leaves cute encouraging notes during their midterms or finals, and sets up fun activities to do with other groups. I wanted to help them feel comfortable in their own skin; to teach them that they may be on a campus with tons of people they do not know, and even more people that are different from them in multiple ways, but that was okay! To teach them to embrace their differences, and diversity because that is what makes them who they are, and that is all they should want to be. Being an Alpha leader was important to me because my Alpha leader was not only the person who helped me adjust, but she taught me what it meant to be a friend who was selfless, and she was also a religious role model for me. She taught me to put God first (hah our school moto), and keep God in everything I do. Her teaching me this meant the world to me, and helped me tremendously, thats why I wanted to be an Alpha leader; I wanted to be that person for someone else. Some people may not understand why this means so much to me, but I believe we have the ability to change the world by helping people see the power of having God in our lives, and learning how to live as he called us to. That is why I am so shaken up about the fact that I do not get to be side by side with freshman who are still learning this concept, its truth, and helping them understand it by being an example to them.

So I guess what I am saying is right now I am not okay. I am not handling this well at all, but I am slowing coming to grips with the fact that I may not get to be that person for a group of Freshman next year, but maybe there is something more. I am learning to accept God’s plan for my life even if finding out part of his plan happens to shake and shatter everything I thought I knew. Its hard to understand that being an Alpha leader is not in His plan, even after so many people told me I would be perfect for the job and that they expected me to get Alpha more than anyone else.. But there is nothing else I can do but trust in him.

And I guess what I am also saying is that for those of you who do get the chance to be an Alpha leader; I hope you put your best into that group. I beg of you to pour your heart and soul into them, because even if you do not feel as though you may be affecting them or making a difference in their lives, I bet at least one thing will stick with them. And I hope for the life of me that what you leave them with is not a horrible experience that just wasted their time during their first semester like I heard happened for more of my friends than not. I pray that you teach them everything my Alpha leader taught me, and anything else you believe could benefit them. I hope you understand how lucky you are to get to be in a leadership position, because so many of us wanted to be in your place. And I beg you stick to the commitment you are making, because you have the ability to make their time in that group something they look forward to and grow in, or something they despise and talk badly about. Even though I am not an Alpha leader; I will be praying for all the people who have received Alpha and that God will also move in them, and assist them on this wonderful journey they get to be apart of. God bless.

“Gods way is better than your way. His plan is bigger than your plan. His dream for your life is more rewarding, more fulfilling, better than you’ve ever dreamed of. Now stay open and let God do it His way”