Yes; I am alive and well.

Wow has it really been 3 months since I’ve been on here last?

Man oh man, the time has flown by. With my first time tackling college finals, and making the most out of my breaks, then readjusting to college life; I. Have. Been. Busy.

So let me recap;

  • I surprised my family by coming home for Thanksgiving break.
  • In December my first semester of college came to an end. And Yes, I survived my finals without too many break downs or freak outs.
  • After my finals I flew home for Christmas break where I spent every minute of it going, going, going.
  • And NOW I have been in school again for about a month.

Like I said time has been flying by. I can still remember my moms reaction to me coming home, and exhausted I felt writing my exegetical as if they both happened yesterday.

Being back at APU is both a relief and depressing. It is relieving because I know that I am in my second semester, finishing up my freshman year. Which means I get to go home for 4 months once I am finished. But it is also depressing because I still have 3 months worth of work and tests I have to push through, and excel in before I can go home. Don’t get me wrong I love APU, and being able to go to the beach when I want or drive around LA, but there comes a point when Family and Friends you are close with is who you want to be surrounded by rather than the people you have only known for 4 months.

People often tell you;

  1. “You will find your friends for life in college”
  2. “Campus involvement is key”
  3. “You find your confidence in college”
  4. “You have to know your major before you start college”
  5. “Some of the best times of your life will happen in college”

Let me tell you it is not as easy as everyone makes it seem.             

Yeah, making friends can be easy; go up to someone, say hello, take part in a memorable conversation, then later ask them to hangout, and BOOM! friendship. Though you may become friends, finding deep friendships where connections and meaningful conversations happen is not that simple. A friendship with someone where you can pour your heart out to them is special and does not occur with everyone you become friends with, there has to be a “click” or “connection” with someone, just as there has to be with that boy/girl you may be interested in. And do not think I am crazy, because whether or not you have realized it, I am correct.

Okay. Yes, Campus involvement is important and everyone should take part in it, but no one tells you just how competitive it is. So far I have applied and interviewed for two different campus teams. (A Campus Life Coordinator and a Living Area Counsel position) And I got neither of them. So do not assume just because you want to be involved on campus that it is a given. One has to work for it and be “what they are looking for” or else you will be denied. No, I am not saying to change yourself in oder to be that perfect person for the position you want, but I am saying do not get down on yourself for being denied because there is always another year and or another opportunity.

Confidence. Wooo! Lets talk about Confidence. It. Will. Not. Immediately. Boost. Just. Because. You. Are. Now. In. College. HAH! If anything it will drop once you get into college. I am not denying the fact that at some point in my college career I will slowly become more confident with myself and who I am. But as for now that is not the case. Like I said, if anything your confidence will plummet when you start attending college, and this is because you are freshly introduced to all these drop dead gorgeous girls you never knew existed and you suddenly are forced to realize just how unattractive you really are. (Well coming from a girls perspective)

When I say knowing exactly what you want to major in before college is an amazing thing, I am in no way exaggerating. Though it is true that its good to know, it is not vital. let me restate that; No you do not need to know what you want to major in with the exception of a few majors. For the most part the only majors you need to know before you attend college is; nursing, global studies, and biochemistry. So don’t sweat it if you are not positive about the major you applied with, I mean look at me I have already changed my major three times. Yes, three.

Woah, do you have fun in college. No curfew. Choosing what you want to study. Making sure you have classes with your friends. New faces. Living within walking distance of your friends. Sleeping in. Yes I have to agree that you will have a blast in college with new experiences, freedom, and a new town. But they don’t tell you that you will also have the worst days of your life. From break downs. To sleeping through a class you had a major paper due in. From boys/girls turning you down. To people you call friends forgetting to invite you everywhere. Yeah you have fun, but you also have lows.

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BUTTTTT. APU MAN >> I love this place and can easily say I could not imagine myself any other place. If anyone ever has the chance to tour APU and check it out I suggest it, because if this is the place for you then you are incredibly lucky. I say that you’re lucky because there will not be another campus so accepting, so open to changing for the better, or where your president invites you to take hikes with him and walks around campus just to connect with the students at his college. Yupp, J-Dubs is the best. Come here!

As I arrived in my dorm room today after class, I fell in to the habitual routine I have acquired here. I sat down at my desk, opened my laptop, and went on Facebook. It seems as though no matter how busy my day is, I never feel at ease until I log onto Facebook and check on my closest friends back home. But today was different, when I first opened Facebook, the inside APU blog popped up on my timeline. Soon enough I found myself scrolling through it. In doing so, I felt this force pushing me to finally log in to my blog, and type some words onto this virtual paper we have here…

In all honesty, from the day I arrived at APU to now, I have logged into my blog countless times. Though every time I did, I seemed to start typing about what had been going on, or the topics God had been placed on my heart, then I would just stop. Thoughts swarmed my mind, chaining themselves on to me, they dragged me to a place that convinced me; my words didn’t matter, or that no one would read it. My thoughts were a main factor in why I never blogged, but they weren’t the only one. Every since I got here at APU it has seemed as if it was a separate life, or a foreign world from the one back home. I was never, and still am not, convinced that this is the life I am living. Being at APU feels like a dream, I have been here for 2 1/2 months and reality still has not hit me. And I am still working out the question in my mind, is this a good or bad thing?

Since I have been at APU I have meet a lot of sincere hearted people and have been introduced to many amazing opportunities. The people on my hall will lift you up when your down, grieve with you in your failures, and celebrate enormously in your accomplishments. Being surrounded by such supportive people has given me the confidence to try new things, adventure, and put my self out there in ways I have never experienced before, because no matter the result I have people right behind me cheering me on, but also prepared to catch me in the chance that I fall. Within the people on my hall I have managed to make friendships that I hope will last a lifetime. (like everyone tells me they will) The girls I have trusted as my true close friends constantly push me to step out of my comfort zone, and challenge me to be a better student as well. I am already dreading being separated from them for an entire month during winter break!

“Let me tell ya. You gotta pay attention to signs. When life reaches out with a moment like this it’s a sin if you don’t reach back… I’m telling you.” // The Silver Linings Playbook

The second week I was here, I spoke with a group of people and somewhere within the conversation the movie The Silver Linings Playbook was mentioned, so I went and watched it! For some reason when I watched it this quotes stood out to me. I mean, this is so relevant to many moments that reveal themselves to us in life. So with this in mind, I have been attempting to take every opportunity that has showed up at my door. Let me just say; Not all of them have been successful, or enjoyable, but all of them have resulted in a new understanding or sense of knowledge making it all rewarding in the end. There have been awkward hours spent in strangers dorm rooms, attempts to make conversations only to be ignored, missed deadlines because of an outing, complete embarrassment, and moments when I was turned down. But within all that there are memories I will hold onto forever, the discovering of people who remind me of home, a new found confidence, and belly aching laughter with friends. And with in the time I have been here I have been to Venice beach, Huntington beach, been in a beach volleyball tournament, hall events, and many more. I am overly blessed for all the opportunities that have come knocking at my door and I am looking forward to the many that are coming soon. Soon I get to go to a 50’s themed birthday party, and go on a GYRAD date with a nice guy who reminds me of my two best guy friends back home.  Continue reading “”

My view on integrity

“Integrity is a word many of us were not taught growing up. Yet it is the core of morality and justice – most of us did not need to define it with a word.” (Albert Einstein). The definition of integrity can easily be found in any dictionary: having a sound moral principle, sincerity, and honesty. However there’s more to integrity than just the definition, it can mainly only be defined by the actions of ones life.

Having a sound moral principle is greatly valued in our society. We search for friends and spouses that have this, we raise our children teaching them to have this characteristic. In our government we elect house of representatives and other officials in belief they have this characteristic of a sound moral principle. But is ones moral principle defined by themselves or others? I find it too often than not that ones moral principles are influenced by others, and fluctuate depending on those surrounding them. Would that be considered as having integrity? I believe “the surest test of an individuals integrity is his refusal to do or say anything that would damage his self-respect” (Thomas Monson). One with integrity does not diminish a belief in resultant of someone else, rather they improve the morals they already have to better their integrity.

In you have integrity, you are a sincere person. Ethnicity, looks, or differences are irrelevant to one who is sincere because judgement is hard to catch coming from ones lips, while acceptance is easily seen in ones actions. Sincerity is valuing others equally, not only when others are around but constantly because “real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not” (Oprah Winfrey). Some may argue the importance of sincerity even when others aren’t around, but their argument is invalid because how can one truly be sincere when others are around if it isn’t a high priority when they are alone. An example of integrity is putting someone in need before yourself without regard to self benefit. Someone with integrity would easily do that without second thought because that is the sincere thing to do. How is sincerity truly measured? In the amount of friends you have? The number of times you have chosen to put others before yourself? The number of times you have been honored for doing something nice? How can one exactly say the way sincerity should be measured, or if it can be measured at all. I believe sincerity isn’t the number of kind things you do, or friends you have. Rather sincerity is a mirror to the soul, and that is reflected in ones integrity.

To have integrity, one must first be a prime believer in honesty. Honesty is defined differently from person to person and though our definitions may vary, we all know the meaning of honesty in our hearts. And thats where honesty roots from, from our heart. Our heart is the only true arbitrator of what is true verses what is false. Integrity and honesty go hand in hand because “integrity is telling [ones self] the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people.” (Spencer Johnson). Both are important because they require the zeal of ones heart. To be dedicated to honesty is to have integrity in your life, since one cannot have integrity without the consistency of honesty.

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This was just a piece I wrote about my view on integrity for a scholarship I ended up winning! I hope y’all enjoyed it! 🙂

Self-Discover

Im a strong believer in the importance of self-discovery.

Too many people these days have no idea who they are, what they truly are passionate about, or what intrigues them. It flabbergasts me that people are convinced they need to be constantly surrounded by others.

Sometimes the best way to truly discover yourself is to take time to yourself. Get alone. Surround yourself with silence. Where do you thoughts take you?

Thoughts reveal what is in your soul. A clean mind is a kind soul. And a kind soul is a clean mind. But you cannot have one without the other that’s the tricky part. Just knowing where your thoughts take you tells you alot about who you are when no one can alter your thoughts, and where no one can break your train of thought.

No one has the ability to define you. Don’t let their comments or actions fool you. Most people unknowingly attempt to change you and conform you into who they want you to be. Though don’t be fooled, people in your life are not there for that reason. They are there to support you, to inspire you, to guide you. Never ever should they define you, or force you down a path that isn’t “you”.

This is why I encourage everyone to take time alone, maybe go for a walk or sit in a coffee shop. Just focus on yourself and search for your desires and fears. What are your goals? Keep taking time alone until those answers are easy to answer, and live life they way you desire to live it. Be who you long to be. it isn’t as hard as everyone lets on. 🙂