Im sorry for those friendships I have lost.

There have been a lot of people in my life where we seemed so close at one point, best friends even. Then slowly but surely, the relationship became one-sided. I would make the effort to reach out to them, I would ask for advice or try to vent to them and the replies would be short or come long after I sent the message in the first place. The only time they would text me first was if they were the ones that needed someone to be there for them. My friendship was only valuable to them if it benefited them.

Was I not good enough? I was always there for you. I sent you presents for the holidays and special occasions. I tried to stay updated and show my support for you, even when you did not do the same. What changed?

So here’s my apology to those who felt I didn’t have my life as “together” as I should. I’m sorry that me not being able to settle on one major or one”path” was too much of a burden for you. Im sorry that I asked for advice and support in my decisions.

Here’s my apology to those that found my “carelessness” as a burden. I’m sorry that my procrastination somehow put a dent in your life. Or the fact I was in no rush to graduate somehow effected you. I am sorry that I choose to live a life with balance and choose to keep the child in me alive.

I apologize to people who decided not to be friends with me because my actions were “reckless” or “impulsive.” My deepest apologies that I live my life in the moment rather than thinking about when I’m grey and brittle. I enjoy life in the moment. I love hard and laugh harder. I focus on now, because these are the days I will never get back.

I apologize to those who left because I don’t follow your standards on priorities Yes – this one makes me laugh every time. I am sorry to those who thought I worked too much and was not making enough time for them.I am sorry that I have to work to pay my own bills. I apologize that my life wasn’t handed to me on a silver platter. And most importantly, I am deeply sorry that the times in which I was not working or was not at school, were not the times you were available. Most of all, I am sorry that you were not taught to be supportive and understanding. If our schedules aligned, I would be at dinner or at the movies, but unfortunately they don’t. Which leads me to my next apology….

I apologize to those who left due to my lesser fortune. I’m sorry that I cannot do all the fun expensive things you invite me to. But what about a good old-fashioned picnic? Or a hike? Spending time together does not have to be an extravagant expedition.

This post may come across as spiteful or full of negativity. In all honesty, in some ways it is. But more so, as I type this, I am overwhelmed with sadness.  To all the friends I have lost due to these circumstances, I miss you dearly. It breaks my heart to think that such small obstacles caused the loss of someone I truly connected with. I sincerely hope that in the future I am able to better combat these issues before a friendship is lost.

To my current friends, I hope our relationship is strong enough to endure these unavoidable factors of life. I hope we can learn to accept that there may be times in which we are on different pages, but we will always show up for one another when needed. As my friend I promise to show you love, kindness, and honesty. I urge you to do the same for myself. Most importantly, I hope we will continue to support each other during the highs and lows of life. To my current friends I do not have an apology, but a heartfelt thank you.

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