Yes yes I know it is the first day of March, and you are probably thinking, “Karly you missed the time allowed to talk about resolutions!” And in a way I agree with those who think that, but then again the two resolutions I am going to mention in this blog are incredibly important to me so I want to use this post to be a reminder.
The first resolution I have is to trust. Trust God. Trust my friends. Trust my family. Trust my heart. Trust my knowledge.Trust myself.
The Bible repeatedly tells us to trust God. Maybe not bluntly, but in many passages the message is to do so. I understand this. I understand the fact the he has unconditional love for me. I understand he sent his only son to die for MY sins. Yet why can I not fully trust him? I have this constant battle between surrendering it all to him, and only letting him help me with half of my struggles. He who created the universe. He who makes all things right. He who will love me and comfort me far more than anyone I could come into contact with. Gosh why cant my brain just hook onto that and feed off of it. I understand it, but my resolution is to let this consume and fill me up. I need to trust in his plan for my future, and trust he will provide what I need whether it be money or a confidence boost ; Trust God with my whole being.
Not many people realize this but I have major trust issues. I will go day by day pretending I trust the people around me so they do not feel insulted, but I confess I do not trust many people. Even if you might think I do. That sounds rude, but I cant help it. I cannot help the fact the I have been living my life with the same people for 6 months and there is only one person I can say I semi-trust. I see this as a problem. How can I fully be myself, or let out my emotions when I am feeling overwhelmed if there is no one I trust around me? I mean, yes, I can call up one of my best friends who are hundreds of miles away, but nothing could beat having someone right there next to me eating junk food and getting sad with. So my resolution is to let people in and trust them, because like Earnest Hemingway said “the best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”
Then trust myself. Oh boy, oh boy. Do you ever just feel super insecure? Not just about appearances or how stupid you sound when you talk, but about your intelligence or social skills? Well I do. Sometimes I will be talking to someone and I just think to myself, “Why would anyone in this world care about one single thing I say.” Then other times I will be writing about a topic and I think, “Wow this is only something someone who is smart should be writing about, I bet anything I write will not make sense, oh great.” This semester I want to apply myself so much that I cannot deny the fact that I am intelligent enough to be typing about the topic given to me. I also want to just let go of my expectations for myself, as in how I look or need to act, and trust that I am good enough.
My second resolution I have is to remember every second might be my last.
The other day in one of my classes my teacher mentioned this. She spoke about how she tries to live in every moment, and outing she gets. For example running errands with your mom, though it may be a silly task that is a necessity you may never get to create those memories again, so make the most of it. Be in the moment. And live it up, because how much would you regret just going through the motions of something with someone if you found out that was the last time you got to do that with them, or just flat out get to be with them. We are not guaranteed any amount of time in life, so expecting to see someone tomorrow, or be alive yourself tomorrow isn’t realistic. Make the most of every moment, and make every moment a memory for other people too 🙂